Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Husband Drinking again :(

I am at such a loss for words these days, I recently discovered my Husband has been drinking again. I found a stash of whiskey bottles in the garage and am completely devastated by this revelation. How long has he been drinking? I have yet to ask. I have been going over and over what I want to say to him for a week now and just can't find the courage to approach him. He is unaware that I know yet, so I have just been going about my day as normal with him till I can talk to him.

The drinking is just the tip of the iceberg, we've been together for 19 years and through out the majority of our relationship we have had problems. Without going into to much detail there is alot and I mean alot of trust issues I have with him. He has bouts of controlling behaviors and over the last 18 months of myself being sober I have realized that he doesn't have very much respect for me, I'm always on a "need to know" basis with him and I think it's bullshit. My list of complaints could go on, but I have been really working hard on triing to get rid of all these resentments, but it always seems like when I work through one he goes and makes a bonehead decision or talks to me in a demeaning way and it brings back those negative feelings.

I have many scenarios for what our conversation might be like and how he'll react. I know I can't make him quit drinking, it's going to be a decision he needs to come to, BUT I cant live with him while he is drinking. When I first saw his stash the thought of "well I can drink if he's drinking"... How dumb is that! No I haven't drank, I am coming up on 18 months sobriety June 13th.

So it all boils down to What am I going to say to him? Do I ask him to leave till he figures out if he wants to quit? Do I say you need to quit and I want you to go to 90 meeting in 90 days? Do I file for divorce? I really don't know what to do. I honestly am fed up, I'm worried about how this is going to affect the kids and if we would split what will I do financially?

Al-Anon~ I have been to a meeting and hoping I can make it to one after work tonight and another one on Wednesday.

Well need to get ready for work, hoping the senior citizens will brighten mood.

No comments:

Post a Comment