Monday, May 23, 2011

Roller Coaster of Emotions

Gee, where shall I

I finally confronted husband on his drinking and basically got no where,he said he doesn't think he's an alcoholic and he only quit last year because he thought it would be the end of us. Since there hasn't been any improvement in out relationship that is why he is drinking again now. To me it's a typical  alcoholic response. By the end of our conversation my head was spinning, somehow the conversation turned into what I am not doing in this relationship etc...We didn't get to finish the conversation because our oldest daughter came home from School early and I refused to keep talking while she was home.

Fast forward to a couple days later, tried to start up the conversation and after some talking he said,  "I'll call an attorney, make a list of what you need "(assumed he meant financial). Strange as it sounds, part of me was relieved. Neither one of us have been happy for the last several years and our relationship is pretty dysfunctional, then add alcohol to the mix and everything is upside down. now we move on to the next day. I'm at work and he calls to find out if I have any idea's for dinner. I get home and he asks me if I want to go to Lowe's to look at patio furniture. At this point I am wondering what the hell is going on. Divorce yesterday and now you want to pick out patio furniture? what the hell! So I ask him "Was I the only one present in yesterday's conversation?". He precedes to tell me he did go talk to an attorney (didn't tell me what was said) but that he's "trying" to make this work and suggest counseling.

I am going to take him up on it, though I am skeptic about his motivation to do so, especially after he already talked to an attorney. I figure I can't walk away from this marriage until I know I have really made an effort to make it work. So we'll see...Maybe I'll find out just how crazy I

I spent the majority of the day in tears and calling on my friends for support. To most this was no surprise. Still, I have 19 years with him and two children. Is this really what I want?

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