Sunday, March 13, 2011

Worn Out

I am really in a funk and just can't seem to get out of it. I just feel so down and tired. Part of me wonders if it's from my surgery (had a fallopian tube, ovary and cyst removed beginning of January). Not sure if it's messing with my hormones or what.

Sobriety is going good, other then with the stress of everything I have been having alot of drinking dreams and of wine. I never drank wine nor liked the taste of it, kinda a bit strange to me. I am triing to get back into my routine of three meetings a week, doesn't always work with my work schedule, but I guess I haven't been making much of an effort to find other meetings then just my home group.This week I am planning on going to my first Al-anon meeting.Hoping that'll help me with some of my issues with hubby.

The girls are driving me nuts! 15 & 12 and they think they know everything, my oldest always seems so angry with me and the 12yr. old is just disrespectful. I know I am not a horrible parent, but obviously I am not doing something right. Just need to figure out what that is I guess.

Well, I need to get dinner started and get ready for my meeting tonight (I am looking so forward to it).

I read in one of my readings today:

Five simple prescriptions for the maintenance of mental and emotional health:

*Assert yourself: No one can respond to what you don't say.
*Be teachable: The ignorance you won't admit will catch up with you.
*Find confidants: Friends double your joys and divide your sorrows.
*Contribute something: Takers end up empty handed.
*Live today: Anyone can be strong for twenty-four hours.

Now I just need to actually take that advice, and wonderful advice it is.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Hanging on by a thread

Wow, didn't realize I hadn't posted in so long. Since April I have had a job change and really not happy with my decision. I am currently working retail and lets just say I hate it. I've been looking to go back into the health care field, I got so much out of it and in retail I feel like a robot. So hopefully I will be able to find something soon because I'm just not happy.

My marriage these days doesn't seem to be doing that great, though we are both still sober, so much has seemed to change. We no longer communicate and when we do it isn't that great. Yesterday he decided to cut me off of "his" money, so now I have NO money. I was left with $10 to get me to work and to eat, needless to say all I ate yesterday was a 5 piece nugget and 1/2 a bag of cheeto's. I am so angry with him, I feel that by him doing this is very sneaky and controlling. I went through controlling behavior with him durring the first few years of our relationship and really not sure I want to go through it again. I know he is upset with how much money I am spending, but really I am not out shopping alot and all he has to do is look at the statement to see where the money going, but I think all he is looking at is whats "going out" and not whats being spent.

Honostly, we should've sat down and talked about this, worked out a budget etc. Instead of me going online and finding this out, This is so wrong!

On a happy note, my sobriety is #1 and I don't plan on that changing anytime soon. I just need to find my serenity again..